The Simpson's Quotes

"I don't think suspension or expulsion will do the trick. I think it behooves us all to consider deportation."

"As a natural enemy, I don't know why I should care, but the information regarding America's colonial period you received is erroneous."

"Perhaps you're wondering why you have two heads. Well my body was crushed, so my head was grafted onto your, shall we say, ample frame"

"Well everything's stolen nowadays. Why the fax machine is nothing but a waffle iron with a phone attached."

"Homer, that hat's been with the station for twenty years. He had one day left 'til retirement."

" I was saying Boo-urns"

"This has purple stuff inside. Purple is a fruit."

"By the way, Homer, what's your least favorite country, Italy or France?"

"I'm so hungry I could eat at arby's"

"You see, the thing about huckleberries is: once you've had fresh, you'll never go back to canned."

"So have a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Krazy Kwanzaa, a Tip-Top Tet, and a solemn, dignified Ramadan. And now, a word from my god, our sponsor..."

"Rakes! My old archenemy"

"Oh, this battle is rife with inaccuracy. Hey you dead people, stop playing cards. And Stonewall Jackson, stop roller blading!"

"I like that clown. He's really lookin' out for me, the average Joe-Six Tooth."

"Homer, this bachelor party seems to have peaked. Could you please return my pants and/or underpants so I can go home?"

"Hey, I'm sure it's just a phase, like when I used to stand on the overpass and drop computers on the highway."

"Wait, wait! I have some even more exciting news! There's a girl in the audience!"

"I like how everything's in sepia tone. Makes me all nostalgic"

"The Constitution? I'm pretty sure the patriot act killed it to ensure our freedoms."

"I'm going to find Dondelinger and tell him I know what he did last summer...22 years ago...in the winter!"

" I can stand in one state, fire a gun in the second state, the bullet will travel through the third, hitting you in the fourth, so you'll fall down dead in the fifth! ... their sum total is the greatest murder since Snape killed Dumbledore!"

"You made me love baseball. Not as a collection of numbers, but as an unpredictable, passionate game, beaten in excitement only by every other sport."

"SPORTS stands for Strict Parental Oversight Rather Than Sports."

"Stopping all Americans from voting is for the protection of all Americans"

"You're like egg salad at a picnic, Simpson. Even when you look good, we know you're going bad."